Why manners matter (1)
Judith martin (b.1983) writes the internationally syndicated United Features column “miss manners” and is a drama and film critic for the Washington post.
A version of the ideas in her book common courtesy, as she expressed them in a speech given at Harvard University, is reprinted below.
Americans today believe, erroneously, wholesale replica designer handbags, that acceptable social behavior follows effortlessly and naturally from personal virtue. The distinction between morals and manners has become blurred. All you need is a good heart, most people assume, and the rest will take care of itself. You don’t have to write thank- you motes.
The “natural” approach to human relations presumes that to know any person well enough is to love him that the only human problem is a communication problem. This denies that people might be separated by basic, genuinely irreconcilable differences philosophical, political, wholesale designer handbags or religious and assumes that all such differences are no more than misunderstandings. Many forms of etiquette are employed precisely to disguise those antipathies that arise from irreconcilable difference.
Whenever the expectation exists that manners ought to be in full accord with morals, ethical problems arise with the polite fictions or conventions that smooth ordinary life. In the days of obligatory formal visiting, “madam is not at home” was clearly understood to mean, “madam can’t face you any more than you can her, but takes due note of the fact that you have done your duty.” Nowadays, we never allow ourselves the convenience of being temporarily unavailable, even to strangers. With telephones and beepers, people make themselves instantly accessible to every one at all ties, wholesale coach handbags and it is the person who refuses to be on call, rather than the intruding caller, who is considered rude.
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